You don’t notice it but our country actually has this much money. Senate and Congress soon to be approved next year national budget, and it isn’t pocket change: almost P1.5 Trillion pesos. Although the senate, as of this writing, has yet to make it official, it us for the moment ponder the enormity of this number. A trillion is 1 followed by 12 zeroes. Imagine being able to count the seconds from the day you were born until you reach 64 – you’d only reach 2,018,304,000. That’s 997,981,696,000 short of a trillion. More starting facts: financial analyst tell us there are P2 trillion pesos floating around the country in the form of cold cash, checks, bonds, everything that represents money. Plus we have P120 billion in actual cash reserve at the central bank. Think about it. But we aren’t the government, are we? So we guess the best thing to do is spend indiscriminately. So, if you had a trillion pesos what would you do? Here… let me gave you an idea.
1.
Construct your own LRT line, your own train waiting for you outside your door, ready to take you to all major points in the city. Quite honestly, this is the only solution to your traffic woes.
2.
Buy your way to Heaven, if the elderly women praying outside Quiapo church are, in fact, sanction by God to save souls, then it’s prudent for you to hire them – for life. Better safe than sorry. P50 per prayer request, under circumstances, one prayer should be enough since God hears everyone. But you’ve sinned so much you’re sure hell is your final destination, and you’ve been told by deathclock.com that you only have this long to live. 40 years or 14,600 days, wasting no time, you secure salvation P50 x 14,600 days. Heaven is yours.
3.
2 trips to the Moon, if the projections of US-based Company Space Adventures are correct, in four years moon travel for private citizens will be a reality by way of the Soyuz space module which is the size of a passenger car. In fact, Soyuz rides into space were already done early as 2001. Well into the next century, it could be as common as a cab ride, but at the moment Space Adventure will charge this much.
4.
Invite Barak Obama on Eat Bulaga, Get US president Obama to tell knock-knock jokes, wear a shower cap, and blend with Vic and Jose on Bulagaan for five months. Price tag: $125 K per appearance.
5.
Clone Paris Hilton, because you saw the video scandal and want to be the guy in it. Thing is, you’ll have to rear Paris first. Here’s how it works: We get her DNA, implant it in a surrogate mother who’ll gave birth to her. Then you’ll wait for her to grow up. Got my point?
6.
Drive a damn expensive car, of course! Money amounts to nothing if you can’t buy the best ride out there, which is the clubsport version of the Pagani Zonda Roadster F C12S 7.3. Price tag: P34, 049,016. Buy senators two each, so they won’t have any excuse for being late at sessions. P34, 049,016 x 24 senators = P817, 176,384 let’s roll!
7.
Fund a 60-day war to claim the Spratlys and Sabah! The spratlys, a cluster of 60 islands that are believed to sit atop vast oil and natural gas deposits – ergo, more money! – are being claimed wholly or in part by China, Taiwan, Vietnam, Malaysia, and Brunei. As for Sabah, we might as well conquer the little patch of land off Malaysia since about 700,000 Pinoys have considered it their home, anyway. Estimate cost of a day at war: $ 195,000* x 2 months of bloodshed total economic toll would be…P596.466 billion.
8.
Be Stanley Ho! Our man Ho says his floating casino is not a floating casino but a floating restaurant. Whatever, you and your friends can wager on the truth of that matter once you have two of your very own Stanley Ho Chinese junk.
9.
Be a Patriot, Get a Luna! Parisian Life is a good buy, since the Spoliarium is not for sale. The Government Service Insurance System (GSIS) bought the said painting in Hong Kong for this paltry sum of P90,418,205,000 billion.
10.
Buy Company Shares! Let’s buy shares of the Gokongwei’s JG Summit Holdings, shall we? By doing so, we can sit on the board and push Universal Robina to pour money on Chippy, hopefully bring back its original taste that oh so scrapes the roofs of our mouths so gloriously (which we’ll wash down with C2, of course)! At the time of writing it’s P17/ share. We consulted with a financial adviser and he told us there floats around 730,000,000 shares. Let’s buy all of them! Did we spend it all? I think not. There you have it guys, I hope you spend your own money wisely!
